Turning 30 with SMA brought up unexpected feelings
When I was younger, the idea of me turning 30 felt like a distant dream for me and my family. Living with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), I was constantly reminded by doctors, statistics, and even the quiet fears of those around me that my future might be shorter, narrower, and filled with more limitations than most.
I’ve brushed against death more times than I can count, each hospitalization a reminder of how fragile life can be. There were moments when breathing felt like a battle, when the line between survival and surrender seemed impossibly thin.
That’s why this milestone feels so profound. A 30th birthday can bring mixed emotions; some celebrate it as a step into greater confidence and maturity, while others dread it as the “end of youth.” But for someone living with SMA, arriving at this age carries an entirely different weight.
It’s not just about candles on a cake or ticking off another year on the calendar; it’s a testament to resilience, survival, and rewriting expectations. Thirty becomes more than a number; it’s proof that life with SMA is defined not by limitations but by possibility, perseverance, and purpose.
Fear creeps in
As my 30th birthday drew closer, I found myself wrestling with emotions I hadn’t expected. In years past, birthdays were a source of pure excitement, an excuse to celebrate life, gather with loved ones, and mark another year of experiences I never took for granted. But this one felt different. Instead of joy rushing in first, fear and apprehension came knocking at my door.
Living with a progressive condition like SMA means that time doesn’t simply pass; it leaves behind visible imprints on my body. The thought of beginning a new decade carried with it the weight of intrusive questions: How much strength will I lose in the years ahead? What new obstacles will I face? Will my independence continue to shrink? These weren’t the kind of thoughts I was used to entertaining when I blew out birthday candles. This time, the celebration was tangled with uncertainty.
For the first time, a birthday felt less like a finish line I had victoriously crossed and more like a mirror reflecting the realities of my condition. And yet, sitting with those feelings also reminded me that every fear I carry is accompanied by a more profound courage: the courage that’s brought me this far despite every prediction, despite every brush with death, despite every doubt.
Despite the fears and feelings of uncertainty, I can still stand firm in what I’ve built and what lies ahead. I have my education, a foundation that no progression of SMA can take away from me. I have a looming career in social work, where I’ll continue to use my voice and skills to help others be seen, heard, and valued. I have the capacity to create spaces of belonging, to spark change, and to remind people that their lives matter. And beyond all of that, I know there are still countless years of adventures, new experiences, and meaningful connections waiting for me.
As I look ahead, I carry both the unknown and the unshakable truth that I am still here. Thirty is not an ending; it’s a doorway. And I intend to keep walking through it with courage, faith, and the determination to make these years count.
Note: SMA News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of SMA News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to spinal muscular atrophy.
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